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WARNING: This story contains references to suicidal thoughts and other mental health struggles.
“Just because you know me does not mean you have control over me!”
Another version of me stepped forward, looming inches from my face. “Don’t you yell at us after everything we’ve done for you, you ungrateful child!”
Our noses nearly touched and I sensed the wrath seeping from her. I switched into defensive mode, rage bubbling up inside me, ready to be unleashed. I dropped the medicine bottles on the floor, my knuckles reared back of their own accord, and knocked her squarely in the jaw. She shrieked and backed off.
“Wow, you’re so strong,” an alluring voice trilled. Her tight, red gown left little to the imagination and her hair hung loose, though still strategically styled into a lustful wave. Yet, with all of these magnetic features, for some reason I struggled to rip my eyes away from her ruby red lips.
She meandered to me, her hips swaying sensually, and stopped only after her curves pressed into mine. A small kiss touched my lips and my knees buckled. I had never been so beguiled by anyone, and yet it was my own appearance that overwhelmed me. I tensed at the unsettling attraction to myself, but somehow I didn’t have the will to fight it. She gave me a beautiful smile, but a coldness lingered below the surface. It seemed ill meant, and the thought of her scorn twisted my stomach. I desired her more than anything else in that moment, and yet she scoffed. She strode away as if she hadn’t torn my heart out.
Silence pervaded a minute. All of the voices stared at me with the same victorious expression as earlier. I worked to recover from the rude treatment.
“Can’t you get it over with already? We all know why you came in here and we all know you’re going to go through with it.” A voice picked up the medicine containers on the floor
and shoved them into my arms. This one bore the closest resemblance to me, even with similar clothing, except she seemed the tiniest bit heavier, her face filled out slightly more than mine. She glared at me, awaiting a response.
But I didn’t give one. They ruined everything. They barged in during my moment of triumph. They made the situation out as if the end of my life had been their idea, not mine. But it was mine.
The heavier me began to look irritated. “What do you want? What are you waiting for? Maybe you want a last meal, or a last drink?” She held up the half empty bottle of liquor. I hadn’t noticed her holding it until now. She cracked the lid open with ease and chugged it herself in the most gluttonous manner I had ever witnessed.
Watching it pour into her mouth instilled a craving for it in me. Maybe that was why I hesitated. One last drink. That was the only reason for my stalling, and then I would end it. I would take control.
Without a word, I snatched the bottle from her, causing a few pill containers to tumble and sloshing a few drops of liquor. I immediately mourned the spillage, feeling wasteful. Those droplets could have been drunk. After a moment of regret for the alcohol that would never dehydrate my body, I guzzled the rest. The bitterness tasted sublime as it coursed across my tongue. I couldn’t stop. I had to consume it all.
My lips traced the rim of the bottle for any small remains of the sweet liquid. I missed it already. After a beat, though, the alcohol affected my brain and I struggled to stay upright. I did everything I could to keep my eyes open and focused on the voices before me.
The heavy version of me waddled away and the only one that hadn’t spoken yet stepped forward. Soiled sweatpants rotted off her scrawny skeleton and her hair tousled carelessly. She grabbed my arms and let the remainder of the bottles fall.
“Why are you fighting us so hard? Who cares who is in control? Who cares about
this dumb life?” She pushed me and the alcohol guided me to the ground. She knelt beside
my sprawled figure. “No more of these high emotions, or all this stress and hard work. It’s time for you to take a rest.” She grabbed one of the pill bottles and handed it to me.
To be concluded in Sins: 3...
© 2020 by Kelsey Garber